The Horned Hand

Allister won't go inside. Anglican Christian. When he picked Sydney up last summer he would call her phone and she would come out in the parking lot and find him making a cross with his index fingers.

He seems to know what others seem only to expect.

You've been good to me Horned Hand & so so terrible.
You treat me like an old friend and envelope me in your hot beery breath - the unreliable lover who comes home tanked after closing time. You're the place I point to, South of Wall and left of Colorado to the wayward traveller, to the anarchist bike rider in town for a week who "can't find a good place for shows." You're the way I point when someone's looking for a camaraderie and a bit of trouble.
I love your cowboy boots, Reisfar paintings, Fuck Cancer t-shirts, strewn peanut shells, bones, dice games and arm wrestling matches. Whiskey in the parking lot with a friend & heartbreak.

So so so much stumbling heartbreak.

If it were easy to have a good time and go home it wouldn't be the same.

We've come to ruin our lives.

You, of so little regret, spill my insides out at times and watch patiently as I try to collect them from the cement floor.

I dance out the demons and drink them back in.

You've seen me cry. I've tried to leave you some nights. You've seen me the sweat pour down my face as I'm pushed and push back the scrum. Nearby, I curl in the same fields I piss trying to get steady enough to walk home.

You've given me Philip Roebuck. Harley Bourbon. Larry and His Flask.

Did I kiss Alex there? Did I write on your bathroom walls? Did I spill the beer on your stage and climb the rafters in your green room to get a better perspective?

I hate you sometimes. You've punched me in the chest and slapped my face and still I come back. You bring out the worst in me. You've brought out the best in me. You've made me feel so ugly.

And sometimes I like being ugly.

Still I come back.
Because I love you.

And I'll come back until you burn to the ground - even if I'm the only one watching the flames with a gas can and a smoking roman candle.